This is from Dr. Renee Hurlemann, at the University of Bonn:

48 healthy males participated in the experiment. Half received an oxytocin nose spray at the start of the experiment, the other half a placebo. The researchers then showed their test subjects photos of emotionally charged situations in the form of a crying child, a girl hugging her cat, and a grieving man. The test subjects were then invited to express the depth of feeling they experienced for the persons shown.

In summary, Dr. René Hurlemann of Bonn University´s Clinic for Psychiatry was able to state that “significantly higher emotional empathy levels were recorded for the oxytocin group than for the placebo group”, despite the fact that the participants in the placebo group were perfectly able to provide rational interpretations of the facial expressions displayed. The administration of oxytocin simply had the effect of enhancing the ability to experience fellow-feeling. The males under test achieved levels which would normally only be expected in women. Under normal circumstances, the “weak” sex enjoys a clear advantage when it comes to the subject of “empathy”.

It seems to be the polar opposite of Old Spice.

This scares me. Who has the authority to wield a weapon that can turn the robust outdoorsman of the world into shrieking pansies? The pensive, logical, emotionally retarded male has always been a staple of American culture, and this discovery threatens that hallmark institution. For example, in the post-isolation-of-cuddle-spray world, this:

Emotionally Unattached Robot Suit Guy: He's awesome because he'll save the world, then hurt your feelings.

Becomes this:

Generic Crying Man. He is very sad, and not in a robot suit.

I think I speak for all of us when I say enough of this nonsense. Let’s continue to isolate our friends and ignore our families, drink too much and make loads of cash. Destroy the cuddle spray, for the good of all mankind.

Bullying is a vital part of youth culture.  If you hadn’t been worried about being called a fag and pushed into your locker in high school, you’d probably be a gay right now.  Think about it.

Bullying has triumphed again, according to Yahoo Health:

New research suggests that just being overweight increases the risk of being bullied. And factors that usually play a role in the risk of being bullied, such as gender, race and family income levels, don’t seem to matter if you’re overweight — being overweight or obese trumps all those other factors when it comes to aggressive behavior from other children.

Not only do bullies target fat kids, they do it while ignoring other factors,  like being female, a minority, and poor.

Precious Jones: Now an abused minority in FOUR different ways.

I expect to see some quick results. You can help by ignoring Yahoo’s recommendations later in the article:

Be supportive, and let your child know that you’ll help them. Consult with your child and ask how he or she would like you to get involved,” advised Rofey. Many youngsters may ask their parents to take a hands-off approach, she said. But she recommends setting some guidelines. “Say something like, ‘It seems you have this under control right now, but let’s keep talking and checking in about it.’”

Ignore that pansy stuff. Tell ‘em to lose the fat, for the good of America.

It’s a comic book. Here’s the basic premise:

1. There’s this dude names Archie

2. There are two girls, one is nice and named Betty, the other one is a bitch, and is stupid.

3. Archie is a pimp, and dates them both, but

4. He marries the bitch.

5. Also, this:

In this picture: Bestiality? UFOs? It's anyone's guess.

Archie has been around since the 1950s, and they’ve taken it upon themselves recently to  be an engine of social justice. Observe, from their own PR machine:

On September 1^st, Kevin Keller, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character, will be welcomed into the town of Riverdale.

“The introduction of Kevin is just about keeping the world of Archie Comics current and inclusive. Archie’s hometown of Riverdale has always been a safe world for everyone. It just makes sense to have an openly gay character in Archie comic books,” stated Archie Comics Co- CEO, Jon Goldwater.

I suppose we’ll have Archie to thank generations from now when we look back on this important issue.

I mean, what’s the worst that can come of it? I’m sure the crack writers at Archie will handle the sensitive social issue with tact and grace.

VERONICA #202 features the full-issue story, “Isn’t it Bromantic?” that introduces Kevin, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character. Kevin Keller is the new hunk in town and Veronica just has to have him. After Kevin defeats Jughead in a burger eating contest at Pop’s Chocklit Shoppe, she desperately latches onto him. Mayhem and hilarity ensue as Kevin desperately attempts to let Veronica down easy and her flirtations only become increasingly persistent.

The introduction of Kevin as an openly gay character is part of the commitment to keep Archie properties reflective of the current world of teens and teen media.

Let’s delve deeper, shall we? First off, a definition of the term “Bromance, ” according to the most widely accepted definition at Urban Dictionary.

Bromance: Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.

So the title of the comic doesn’t even reflect homosexuality. Some writer just heard “Bromance” and though “HA! That’s kinda gay.”

Second, it should have been a hot-dog eating contest. Rim shot.

Third, Archie needs to stop fooling themselves into thinking they are read by teenagers. There are literally NO teenagers who read Archie anymore. There might have been in the 1950s, but guess what: people who were teenager in the 1950s are over 60 now. But then again, senior citizens tend to be strongly pro-gay, am I right? Nice call, guys.

Ewok Karaoke from Rob Tyler on Vimeo.

How badly does Columbia need to get the motor running on its Ghost Rider sequel? So badly that if Nicolas Cage can’t commit to making it this year, they may have to make it without him. Insiders confirm to Vulture that Columbia is facing a ticking clock on the rights to the BBQ-skulled Marvel Comics character: Legally, if the studio isn’t in production on a sequel by November 14, 2010, the franchise automatically reverts to Marvel — which means the comic company’s new owner, Disney.

To put this story in context, Ghost Rider was LITERALLY the worst movie ever made. Rotten Tomatoes currently rates the movie a 26 out of 100, which, in this writer’s experience, is necessarily positive for a movie of Ghost Rider‘s caliber. The fact that the production company is desperate to get the sequel out–desperate enough to give Nicholas Cage the finger–might be the most depressing thing I’ve heard all week.

Next, we move to the world of Ridley Scott. He’s recently been associated with an in-production movie based on the board game Monopoly. Here’s a tantalizing preview of what he has in store, according to writer Frank Beddor:

the movie featured a “comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they’re playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.’

“He’s all groggy and he goes down to buy some coffee and he reaches into his pocket and all he has is Monopoly money. All this Monopoly money pours out. He’s confused and embarrassed and the girl reaches across the counter and says, ‘That’s OK.’ And she gives him change in Monopoly money. He walks outside and he’s in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he’s just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evil Parker Brothers in the game of Monolopy.”

We’ve got a bright future ahead of us.

Anyway, here’s part two of what has now become a two-parter entitled “Celebrities: Are they weird, or what?”

Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy was nabbed by a coyote a while ago. We all deal with grief in different ways, but Jessica hasn’t moved past the “denial” stage of mourning. From TMZ via The Superficial:

Sources close to the situation claim Jess is still “praying” for the dog, but she knows the “odds are against” her. We’re told Jessica is still clinging to hope, because Daisy is “fast” …. and may have seized an opportunity to bolt from her captor.

You know what? I’ll bet she escaped, Jessica. Hang in there. Our hearts are with you.

But that’s not what we’re here to talk about today. Today, we learn how insane she is. This is from an interview in Rolling Stone, by way of The Superficial:

“‘[when asked if she has cut herself:]Yeah, but I don’t want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting.”

Cutting yourself is apparently so common that it has been relegated to something you  ”dabble in,” like spiritualism in the 19th century.

Person 1: How have you been lately?

Person 2: Oh, fine. A little painting here, a little cutting there. It hurts when I bleed, but at least I feel something. So, basically, pretty cool. I’ve started taking surfing lessons…

Self-loathing doesn’t keep me from being happy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I am very vulnerable.

Self-loathing strikes me as something with an inherent tendency to ruin your day. I’ll cut her some slack on this one, maybe she’s exaggerating. Moving on…

[On ex-bf Brian Austin Greene:] “I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something. Please leave. I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.

If this doesn’t serve as a deterrent to male attraction, I don’t know what will. What male on earth would be so irrational as to romantically pursue a woman who, if she feels wronged, will LITERALLY KILL YOU? Like, STAB YOU? With a KNIFE?

At least she exhibits at least a rudimentary knowledge of basic PR, in that she attempts to clean up her mess. This doesn’t get her far, however. Any normal person would say something along the lines of “Ha ha, I’m joking. Just kidding, I don’t kill people who make me angry.” Megan, however decides to go a different route and mitigate the harm by saying, “Ha ha, just joking, I just SHOOT THEM IN THE LEGS.”

A robbery suspect in South Carolina has died after police say he spray painted his face to conceal his identity during the crime, WLTX reported.

Investigators said 24-year-old Thomas James started having trouble breathing immediately after the crime and died shortly thereafter, the station reported. Cause of death had not been released.

Apparently, “PAINT INSIDE LUNGS” is not considered a medically valid cause of death in the Deep South.

That isn’t all, though. It turns out that swearing has widely unappreciated health benefits.

The new finding comes from research that tested the hypothesis with a bunch (67) of college students and some ice cold water. Students were given a choice when they plunged their warm hands into the freezing water — chant a neutral word, or repeat a swear word instead.

Those students who chose to swear reported less subjective pain than the neutral word chanters, and could endure the icy cold water with their hands for about 40 seconds longer on average.

Some researcher speculate into the reasons why swearing might work to lesson pain. Swearing appears to come from structures deep within the brain, like the amygdala which is home to the fight or flight response. When faced with something that threatens us, humans — like animals — have a choice: fight it or run away from it. In either case, when this response is triggered, our heart rate climbs, preparing our body for the action it needs to take. It also appears that our sensitivity to pain during this response is also lessened.

Really? For serious? Talk about taking something good and making it better. Gosh, it’s like someone took butter and found a way to make it MORE buttery. Damn straight.

[Thanks to D at trueelephant.com for topic suggestion]

Women who drink moderate amounts of beer may be strengthening their bones, according to Spanish researchers.

Their study of almost 1,700 women, published in the journal Nutrition, found bone density was better in regular drinkers than non-drinkers.

But the team added that plant hormones in the beer rather than the alcohol may be responsible for the effects.

Experts urged caution, warning that drinking more than two units of alcohol a day was known to harm bone health.

Osteoporosis is a common problem for post-menopausal women, increasing the risk of disabling bone fractures later in life.

Screw milk! If we want our kids to have strong bones we should lower the drinking age. Then again, we run into problems like kid alchies. Oh well. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do what’s right for the health of the nation.